so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
