Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
im on a boat
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