I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
