It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
