I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
