..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
where are my eyebrows?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
