I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
