Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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