Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
