just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
