Don't make out with my wife yet
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
