Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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