You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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