My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
