worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
