The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
