Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
