i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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