I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
