You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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