You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
