the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
