And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
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99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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