you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
