You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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