I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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