Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
