dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize