I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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