Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
