you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
two words: eviction party
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I would ride that face into the sunset
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
