i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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