In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
