yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
