That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Jerry, you need to find god
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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