how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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