I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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