I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
