Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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