I accidentally burped into my bong.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
