Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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