i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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