I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
