My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
