Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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