i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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