i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
