Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
