She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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