you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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