you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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