after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
