I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
