you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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