i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
