if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
