I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I sprained my soul last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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