Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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