i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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