The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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