I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
