the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
