he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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