i was rollin on her like bob the builder
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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