you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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