Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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